When It's Gone

               Death. Yes, by dictionary definition it means to die, but outside of that it means so much more. Death is the absence of a loved one, a friend, a family member, and an inspiration. It is the replacement of life with something to remember. It is also the making of an inspiration. I have been through a lot of deaths, all of which were hard, but the one that has inspired me the most is that of Matt Schmitt. Matt was my dad's best friend and throughout my life became a surrogate uncle to me. He was one of the coolest people I have had the chance to meet. I remember everything that happened the week that I found out he was gone.

            It was 10:00 A.M. on a Thursday, during the summer of 2007. I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. “Hello?” I answered, “Oh hey mom, what’s up?” The next words that my mom would say would be the words that would never leave my mind. “Bailey,” my mom said in her calm and kind voice, “Matt passed away this morning.” At that moment it was as if the whole world stopped except for me and I went back to the last time I saw Matt. It was on Sunday when we went to a baseball game.

            For almost four days I cried. “It is so unfair!” I thought, “He means something to so many people! How can he be gone?” My mom tried to explain to me that everyone has there time to go and sometimes it isn’t fair. I have never understood why things like this happen to good people. On the day of his funeral I couldn’t bring myself to go. Instead I helped another grieving friend. I didn’t want to see him in a casket with other sad people. I wanted to remember Matt as the fun, energetic, and hilarious person I knew.

            A year after his death we visited his grave. The car ride up to the cemetery I had a million thoughts racing through my mind. "Yes, I had seen his grave before, but has it really been a whole year?" "Has it really been a whole entire year without our baseball games?" It was unreal, but true. At Matt’s grave we laughed, talked about funny things that Matt did, and the good times we shared with him. It was not as sad as I thought it would be.

            Now I think about Matt every day. I miss him so much and I would give the world to spend one more day with him. In hundreds of ways he has inspired me to do good for others. He lived a great life and nothing can ever change that. Horace Bushnell once said, “The more difficulties that one faces, within and without, the more significant and higher in inspiration his life will be.” In so many ways this explains Matt’s life. I know, in my heart, that Matt has had the ability to touch not only my life, but many others’ too. I hope that I may be able to do the same some day. He has taught me to cherish what I have, while I have it, because I never know when it will be gone.

Overall Look

                Everyone has their own style.  Some would say that my personal style is a bit out there.  For example, today I am sporting my overall shorts, a t-shirt, advertising my school’s fall musical, black tights, my black “school teacher” heels, as I call them, and a piece of a red feather boa in my hair. I love my high school for multiple reasons, but one reason is that we have the freedom to express ourselves through our own clothing choice. 

                The clothes that people wear say a lot about their personality. The clothes I wear reflect a very bubbly personality. My clothing inspiration comes from the late 80’s and early 90’s. I love outfits with fun colors and patterns. Accessories definitely make or break your outfit. I could write a whole blog about accessories, oh wait, I did! J

                My favorite kinds of shirts are loose and oversized.  American Eagle, Urban Outfitters, and Forever 21 are my three favorite stores to by shirts from (you can click on the stores and you will be taken to the online stores). Sweaters and big crew neck sweat-shirts are other pieces of clothing that take up space in my closet. Some people have a thing against Good-Will, but it is one of my favorite stores. I get most of my sweaters and crew neck sweat-shirts from there. I love the vintage clothes that you can find at Good-Will. 

                As far as pants are concerned, I love jeans. Skinny jeans are my personal favorite because I am short. I love the way bell bottom jeans look and the hippie-esque, 70’s look they give, but as a short person I find it hard to wear them, because they drag on the ground and get frayed. So instead of paying for jeans to get ruin, I purchase skinny jeans. My favorite stores to get jeans from are American Eagle and Hollister Co. (once again if you click on the store, it will take you to the online store). I just like the different varieties of styles of skinny jeans that these two stores offer. They aren’t overpriced and when they have sales on jeans both stores offer great deals.

                Dresses are also some of my favorite outfits to wear. I used to hate wearing dresses, but over the years I have found that with the right dress, you can feel like the prettiest girl in the world. I get most of my dresses from Target. They always have a great selection of dresses from casual to more formal. I personally like the dresses that have a defined waist and are flowing at the bottom, because they accent my body shape very well.

                That is another thing about clothing. I don’t expect anyone who reads this, if anyone, to run out and start dressing exactly like me, if you do, awesome, but you should just be comfortable. I wear what I do because it is what I am comfortable in. Everyone has a different comfort level and everyone has a different body. Whatever your style is, be comfortable. Remember, your clothes may reflect a piece of your personality, but you yourself ultimately define who you are.

I Like You, but I Like-like Him

                The other night I was talking to my mom about the latest gossip within my friends.  She asked who so and so were dating, or if they were crushing on anyone. As we were sitting there I realized how many different ways the younger generation classifies relationships. My mom and I started talking about it and I had to explain what the different levels of a relationship were.

o   Like: If someone “likes” someone else, they merely like them as a person or a friend. This term is not to be confused with liking or like-liking someone.

o   Like and Like-liking: If a person likes or like-likes someone they have feelings for, or have a crush on, that person. When you like-like someone you most likely tell your best friend or the person you value your trust with the most. Sometimes you just come right out to the person you like-like and say it.

o   Talking: If two people are “talking”, that means that they are flirting back and forth to each other and show somewhat interest with each other. Now, what flirting is varies on the person. They may not intentionally flirt with someone; it may just come off that way.  I happen to be a “flirty” person; not intentionally of course, I just have a bubbly personality.

o   A Thing: If two people have a “thing”, it is a step up from talking. The two people have acknowledged to each other that they like-like, or have feelings for, the other person.  There are two different kinds of “things”; the public kind and the secret kind. Some people prefer to not make their “thing” known, in order to preserve the early stages of relationship development. The public things are known to almost everyone. Things do not have a set amount of time they last. Two people could have a thing forever and never take that step in making a relationship.  A thing could be similar to having an open relationship, but to some people it is more exclusive.

o   Dating: When two people are “dating” they are in a relationship. This is not to be confused with going on dates and such because the two people are committed to each other and have decided to show people how much they care for each other. Now a form of dating is long distance relationships. Long distance relationships are pretty self-explanatory.  They can be very difficult, but if the two people are genuinely committed enough to make the relationship work; they can be the best relationships.

In my opinion, the best relationships are those that are held between two people who start out as best friends and then form into a relationship. At this point, because they are best friends it eliminates the awkward beginnings of getting to know each other and finding out the other’s past.  I hope that this has helped you in your understanding of relationships and terminology.

You Are My Best Friend Forever

          Sisters. I have been given the blessing and curse of having three. I tried to find a cheesy poem to use and compare to my relationship with all of them, but there weren’t any that described our relationship. You see, my sisters and I have a weird and quirky relationship. We all have the same dad, but my two older sisters have a different mom than my younger sister and I. We could use the whole “she is my half-sister” deal, but we don’t go there, because all it is is a title. There is quite a big age gap between my older sisters and me and my younger sister, but I think that just makes us closer.

                My oldest sister, Tracy, lives in town and is married with two kids. Tracy could be considered the brain out of all of us. She is very smart and very organized. I have grown closer to Tracy over the years, mostly because she is my big sister that I can go to with anything. I babysit quite a bit for her and that is when I get to see her the most. When my little sister and I were younger we used to go over and spend the night at her house and my favorite thing was that when we woke up in the morning we would get a yummy breakfast. Now I know that those little smokies (a.k.a. cocktail weenies) all come in the same package and that no matter who cooks them they are the same thing, but Tracy’s? Heaven.  So yummy. With our little smokies we would have chocolate chip pancakes with peanut butter on top and when you poured steaming hot syrup on top, it would melt the peanut butter, so you would have the perfect combination of a sticky, gooey, delicious mess.  

                My second oldest sister, Keri, lives in Arizona and is married with one child. Keri is the free-spirited, dancing, fashionista of the family. Ever since I can remember, Keri has always had style. One of the most vivid memories I have from when I was little was that when Keri would come home to visit, I would go into our parent’s bathroom while she was getting ready and just gaze at her while she was putting on her makeup, dreaming of the day that I would get to do the same thing and be just like her. Even though I don’t get to see Keri as often as I do my other sisters, I feel just as close. When she comes home, which is fairly frequently, it is like she never left. When I was in second grade, Keri got married. My trip to Arizona was the first time I road an airplane. One of the things I remember about going to Arizona for the wedding was that we got to stay at this huge hotel with the coolest pool. In sixth grade for my birthday present, I got to go back to Arizona with my dad for a week. While we were there, Keri took me to work with her one day. Keri worked for a store called Objects at the time as a buyer, so she got to go to New York and L.A. to look at different designers and pick out the lines that would be in the stores. Coolest job ever, right? Yeah, I think so too!
                My younger sister, Rylee, lives in the room next to mine, is not married, has no kids, and attends Kennedy as a Freshman. Rylee is the athlete of the family. I envy her so much. She swims, plays basketball, softball, and does track. Rylee and I have had an interesting relationship over the years. We used to fight all the time, but what sisters don’t? Now that we are both in high school and are at similar ages, we have started to get so much closer.  Now I am not the picture perfect big sister, don’t let me fool you. One of the funniest memories that I have of Rylee is actually really recent. We were in the car, on the way to school, and there was a lady walking in front of the car. Rylee throws her arms out and yells, “Bailey! Don’t hit her! She might turn into a cat!” Now after we had both realized what she just said we burst out laughing. It is just the little things that she says and does when we are together that make me love her all the more. She is my built in best friend and not my kid sister anymore.

                Sisters are forever.  You can’t get rid of them no matter what. They are your built in best friends. They are the people you look up to. They are the people you don’t have to try to impress. They rock.

Good Night, Sleep Text

          Some people snore in their sleep, some people grind their teeth, some even utter out little, or big, toots. Me? Well I text in my sleep. Weird, right? Oddly enough though, I am not the only one who has this strange condition. According to and article on WebMD (Click here to read article), sleep texting is on the rise and is becoming a huge phenomenon.

          Doctors do not know if sleep texting actually occurs while sleeping or if it occurs during a brief moment while you are awake, that is gone from your memory when you wake up. Doctors also say that is comes from an addiction to technology and that is the reason why it is so easy for your subconscious to compose text messages while sleeping, because it is an action that, for most, has become second nature. I am not sure that I completely agree with this. I can honestly say that I do not have an addiction to my cell phone. I do not compose text messages every minute of the day. My phone is with me all the time, in case of an emergency, but I am by no means addicted. According to a study done in 2009 and 2010, during the months of April-June, the average American teenager sends approximately 3000-3500 text messages a month (article including study). I send on average 800 text messages a month, significantly lower than the average American teenager.

          Sleep texting is actually very funny. When I tell someone about it, it always brings up laughter. I don’t ever know that I have texted someone in my sleep. The only way I find out is if the “victim” of the text message sends a text message asking what the heck I am talking about or if they ask me about it in person. Most of my messages I send have to do with whatever dream I have. Though not all of the words are spelt correctly, the reader can decode or make sense of the message. The spelling errors and subjects make for a very entertaining conversation. The following is a message I sent to my friend Sadie;

“No Staci! The octopussies dont liv in the wager. They live in the sky with the llamas. Im rite an u kno it.”

         

Luckily, the people who receive my messages are close friends or family members who are in my recent text history. My friend James is the most texted “victim” of my over night text messages. He finds them hilarious and tends to tell everyone about them. It has become somewhat of a desire to receive what has been deemed, a “Bailey Sleep Text”. Every time someone receives their first “Bailey Sleep Text” they get super excited, it is almost like they have achieved a status of some sorts. I personally don’t think it is all that, I find sending the messages quite embarrassing, but all one can do is laugh.

A Day to Remember

                So, today in my U.S. History class we watched and HBO documentary about 9/11. As I was sitting there and watching, I started thinking about what I was doing on September 11, 2001. I was in the first grade and for some reason, even though I was very young, I remember everything as if it were yesterday. At the time, I don’t think that I completely understood how truly terrible that day was, I just knew that something was wrong.

                September 11, 2001 started out like any other day for me. I woke up early, like any young child eager to go to school would, and just like clockwork, my dad picked my sister and me up from the house and took us to day care. Once we were at day care, we ate breakfast, buttered toast with cinnamon-sugar. The first plane hit the North tower of the World Trade Center at 8:46 a.m. At that point, our day care did not know about it, and we were on our way down to school, which started at 9:05.

When I got to my classroom I was in the room for about five minutes and our principal came onto the intercom telling the teachers to have their associates take over and to meet her in the cafeteria immediately. All of the teachers did exactly as she said and our associate teacher started out our day with a spelling test. We were in the middle of the spelling test and our teacher returned to the room.

I will never forget the look on our associate teacher’s face and her immediate reaction after our teacher whispered into her ear. Frozen. Complete and utter shock fell over her face. And then she embraced my teacher.  My teacher, Mrs. Phillips, began to cry. Tears just poured down her face. She went into the next room and that class joined ours. The associate from the other class and our associate gathered us on the carpet and read us books.

As kids we were wondering what was wrong with Mrs. Phillips. Everyone was whispering back and forth to each other, but oddly the teachers didn’t stop us. At about 10:00 kids started getting called out of class, one by one.  By 12:30 there were about 10 of us left from both of the classes. We went down to lunch, but we had indoor recess. When we came back to the room, I saw Mrs. Phillips at her desk, on the phone, surrounded by three other teachers and our principal.

“Sweetie?!? Is that you? Oh my gosh. Thank you Lord, thank you!” were the words that came from her mouth. I came to find out that she was talking to her daughter. Mrs. Phillips daughter was flying out of New York to go back home to Hong Kong with her husband and their two year daughter, who had all just been home to Iowa to visit. Their flight had taken off, but landed early because the United States had ordered to cease all air traffic.

The rest of the school day went on and after the school day was over I went back to day care to find my mom waiting for me and my sister. This was an odd occurrence because she normally didn’t pick us up until 5:30ish. We went home and watched movies and my mom was on the phone with multiple family members. After we had taken our showers and gotten our pajamas on, my sister went to her room and I went out to get my mom to tell her we were ready to be tucked in.

As I walked out into the living room, I saw my mom, first, crying. That was the first time I had ever seen my mom cry. I really didn’t know what had gone on the whole day and why everyone was acting so weird. As I walked in further, I looked at the TV and sat next to her on the couch.  She was watching a news station that was showing coverage of the attacks. I didn’t know the magnitude of what I was watching, but for some reason I knew that it was bad. I lifted my hand to my face and felt tears rolling down my face. I looked up at my mom and the following is the conversation that ensued;

“Mommy,” I whimpered, “Did people die today?”

“Yes Bug.”

“Did bad people do this?”

“Yes Bug.”

 “Did the bad people die too?”

“Yes Bug.”

“Are we safe Mommy?”

My mom started crying more and just hugged me tighter than she ever has before. 

On September 11, 2001, 2996 innocent people were killed, three buildings were attacked, four planes, full of passengers, crashed, approximately 411 emergency workers were killed, a country came together in awe at what had happened, and an innocent 7 year old realized that bad people existed in the world.